Te’o Not So Weird?
For Young Athletes, Story Believable
Posted: January 24, 2013
HARRISONBURG — When asked his reaction to the buzz surrounding college football All-American Manti Te’o and his fake girlfriend, another All-American answered in the form of a song.
“You know the song that’s like, ‘Looking for love in all the wrong places’?” said Stephon Robertson, a Division I-AA All-American linebacker at James Madison, singing the lyrics to a song by Johnny Lee. “He [Te’o] kind of dropped the ball a lot in that aspect.
“You’re the most liked football player in America. …You can’t find a girlfriend or a girl that likes you? I don’t get it. I don’t get it.”
In a sign of the times — and perhaps of Te’o’s generation — what Robertson didn’t find quite as odd was the Notre Dame star resorting to the Internet for a relationship. Neither did some other local athletes.
One of the jarring parts of the Te’o story is that when he discussed his so-called girlfriend, Lennay Kekua, in interviews prior to the discovery that she was a hoax, he referred to her flat-out as his “girlfriend” without mentioning that he’d never met her in person.
Athletes said they found it peculiar, but most weren’t blown away by that fact alone.
“I’ve heard of it,” said Spotswood High School junior Tucker McCoy, a Division I baseball prospect.
So, while many Americans were startled to learn that anybody would elevate an online relationship to serious “girlfriend” status, some younger people were far less taken aback. According to the Wall Street Journal, a Business Insider editor in his early 30s tweeted: “People who think you need to ‘meet’ someone before you can call them your girlfriend or boyfriend are still tweeting from their typewriter.”
Even if the consequences can be highly embarrassing.
Targeting Celebrities
Athletes might be no more susceptible to fraudulent online relationships than anyone else, but their status — some are national celebrities, many are local celebrities — makes it more likely that their ordeal will be publicized.
Te’o, as the best player on the most iconic college football team in America, is an extreme example. His story has even been tainted by suspicions that he was part of the hoax, perhaps in an attempt to bolster his Heisman Trophy candidacy with an inspiring tale of love and courage: that a grieving Te’o led Notre Dame to an upset of Michigan State in mid-September just three days after learning that both the fictitious Lennay and his grandmother had died within hours of each other. (His grandmother’s death was real.)
On Wednesday, in an interview scheduled to be aired today, Te’o told Katie Couric that he briefly lied about Lennay existing after finding out about the hoax. But Te’o maintains that he never knew Lennay wasn’t real before December. In addition to online communication, Te’o said he talked to Lennay on the phone.
None of the athletes interviewed for this story, all young men, admitted having an online relationship or knowing someone personally who had. But most of the athletes didn’t find it that bizarre, either. It might be a more foreign concept to an older generation of former athletes who didn’t have the Internet during their playing careers.
“In the past, we’ve all had shallow relationships, but that’s definitely kitty-pool depth,” said Bridgewater College football coach Michael Clark, who played for Cincinnati in the 1970s. “…I do think that sometimes the next generation can be wrong. And if that’s where you’re going [to find a relationship], in my opinion, that’s wrong.”
But apparently, it’s not uncommon.
“People will, all the time, just fall in love behind their computer keyboard,” said Julie Spira, a leading online dating expert and the author of “The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online.”
“…It’s a romantic illusion. You have this romantic fantasy that you’re in a relationship. And yet you tell your closest friends, ‘I have a girlfriend.’”
Spira was quick to note that there are many success stories of online relationships, though she said people do end up meeting in person most of the time. But she also said that hoaxes like Lennay happen with some frequency.
Celebrities will often be targeted, Spira said, but she added that it could also “happen to the boy or girl next door, or to the valedictorian of your college.”
And, of course, it can happen these days because the Internet has increased everyone’s vulnerability.
The Twitter Factor
This is an era in which athletes and their fans have open communication through social media, and particularly Twitter, and where electronic communication is often preferred over in-person. If you let your guard down on the Internet – as, apparently, Te’o did – the consequences can be dire.
“Twitter can get you in trouble,” said Gabe Kreider, a freshman long-snapper at JMU and former football player for Broadway High School. “It’s something that you say, and it’s permanent.”
It’s why McCoy said he has his Twitter account set to “private,” meaning he has to approve followers before they can view his tweets. McCoy and other athletes also said they are careful with what they broadcast on social media for fear or saying something that might be offensive, or that might generate unwanted attention. Clark pointed out that some major Division I colleges hire a company, Sports Media Challenge, to set guidelines for social networks.
Not everyone is so careful, though. When SHS boys’ basketball coach Chad Edwards, a former player at BC in the 1990s, was asked if high school athletes truly understand the implications of what they’re tweeting, Edwards responded with a resounding “No.”
“The reason I say that is, every school, every teacher, every coach knows a story of bad things happening [with social media],” Edwards said. “The story that I hear is, the student, 100 percent of the time, had no idea of the implications, or how many people could see something that’s been posted, and the consequences of certain types of posts. In 100 percent of the cases, I think students are unaware of the potential consequences.
“…When we go to the coaches’ clinics, as we fraternize, social media almost always comes up.”
Of course, even a careless social media user is unlikely to be targeted for a hoax.
But several athletes said they’ll be watching their back.
“I guess logically it could happen to anybody,” said Spotswood senior Austin Nicely, who’s signed to play baseball at the University of Virginia. “But at the same time, of course, I have control of what I do.”
Te’o, too, had control. But he apparently was duped into a relationship with a fictitious woman and let his heart turn him into a national punch-line. Now, with his NFL draft status in jeopardy, his inspirational story has faded into a cautionary tale as quickly as the click of a mouse.
The specifics of the tale are apparently comprehended better by younger athletes.
“How can you call someone a girlfriend that you haven’t met or maybe met [only] a couple times?” Edwards said. “I just don’t understand that. I think it is generational.”
“You know the song that’s like, ‘Looking for love in all the wrong places’?” said Stephon Robertson, a Division I-AA All-American linebacker at James Madison, singing the lyrics to a song by Johnny Lee. “He [Te’o] kind of dropped the ball a lot in that aspect.
“You’re the most liked football player in America. …You can’t find a girlfriend or a girl that likes you? I don’t get it. I don’t get it.”
In a sign of the times — and perhaps of Te’o’s generation — what Robertson didn’t find quite as odd was the Notre Dame star resorting to the Internet for a relationship. Neither did some other local athletes.
One of the jarring parts of the Te’o story is that when he discussed his so-called girlfriend, Lennay Kekua, in interviews prior to the discovery that she was a hoax, he referred to her flat-out as his “girlfriend” without mentioning that he’d never met her in person.
Athletes said they found it peculiar, but most weren’t blown away by that fact alone.
“I’ve heard of it,” said Spotswood High School junior Tucker McCoy, a Division I baseball prospect.
So, while many Americans were startled to learn that anybody would elevate an online relationship to serious “girlfriend” status, some younger people were far less taken aback. According to the Wall Street Journal, a Business Insider editor in his early 30s tweeted: “People who think you need to ‘meet’ someone before you can call them your girlfriend or boyfriend are still tweeting from their typewriter.”
Even if the consequences can be highly embarrassing.
Targeting Celebrities
Athletes might be no more susceptible to fraudulent online relationships than anyone else, but their status — some are national celebrities, many are local celebrities — makes it more likely that their ordeal will be publicized.
Te’o, as the best player on the most iconic college football team in America, is an extreme example. His story has even been tainted by suspicions that he was part of the hoax, perhaps in an attempt to bolster his Heisman Trophy candidacy with an inspiring tale of love and courage: that a grieving Te’o led Notre Dame to an upset of Michigan State in mid-September just three days after learning that both the fictitious Lennay and his grandmother had died within hours of each other. (His grandmother’s death was real.)
On Wednesday, in an interview scheduled to be aired today, Te’o told Katie Couric that he briefly lied about Lennay existing after finding out about the hoax. But Te’o maintains that he never knew Lennay wasn’t real before December. In addition to online communication, Te’o said he talked to Lennay on the phone.
None of the athletes interviewed for this story, all young men, admitted having an online relationship or knowing someone personally who had. But most of the athletes didn’t find it that bizarre, either. It might be a more foreign concept to an older generation of former athletes who didn’t have the Internet during their playing careers.
“In the past, we’ve all had shallow relationships, but that’s definitely kitty-pool depth,” said Bridgewater College football coach Michael Clark, who played for Cincinnati in the 1970s. “…I do think that sometimes the next generation can be wrong. And if that’s where you’re going [to find a relationship], in my opinion, that’s wrong.”
But apparently, it’s not uncommon.
“People will, all the time, just fall in love behind their computer keyboard,” said Julie Spira, a leading online dating expert and the author of “The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online.”
“…It’s a romantic illusion. You have this romantic fantasy that you’re in a relationship. And yet you tell your closest friends, ‘I have a girlfriend.’”
Spira was quick to note that there are many success stories of online relationships, though she said people do end up meeting in person most of the time. But she also said that hoaxes like Lennay happen with some frequency.
Celebrities will often be targeted, Spira said, but she added that it could also “happen to the boy or girl next door, or to the valedictorian of your college.”
And, of course, it can happen these days because the Internet has increased everyone’s vulnerability.
The Twitter Factor
This is an era in which athletes and their fans have open communication through social media, and particularly Twitter, and where electronic communication is often preferred over in-person. If you let your guard down on the Internet – as, apparently, Te’o did – the consequences can be dire.
“Twitter can get you in trouble,” said Gabe Kreider, a freshman long-snapper at JMU and former football player for Broadway High School. “It’s something that you say, and it’s permanent.”
It’s why McCoy said he has his Twitter account set to “private,” meaning he has to approve followers before they can view his tweets. McCoy and other athletes also said they are careful with what they broadcast on social media for fear or saying something that might be offensive, or that might generate unwanted attention. Clark pointed out that some major Division I colleges hire a company, Sports Media Challenge, to set guidelines for social networks.
Not everyone is so careful, though. When SHS boys’ basketball coach Chad Edwards, a former player at BC in the 1990s, was asked if high school athletes truly understand the implications of what they’re tweeting, Edwards responded with a resounding “No.”
“The reason I say that is, every school, every teacher, every coach knows a story of bad things happening [with social media],” Edwards said. “The story that I hear is, the student, 100 percent of the time, had no idea of the implications, or how many people could see something that’s been posted, and the consequences of certain types of posts. In 100 percent of the cases, I think students are unaware of the potential consequences.
“…When we go to the coaches’ clinics, as we fraternize, social media almost always comes up.”
Of course, even a careless social media user is unlikely to be targeted for a hoax.
But several athletes said they’ll be watching their back.
“I guess logically it could happen to anybody,” said Spotswood senior Austin Nicely, who’s signed to play baseball at the University of Virginia. “But at the same time, of course, I have control of what I do.”
Te’o, too, had control. But he apparently was duped into a relationship with a fictitious woman and let his heart turn him into a national punch-line. Now, with his NFL draft status in jeopardy, his inspirational story has faded into a cautionary tale as quickly as the click of a mouse.
The specifics of the tale are apparently comprehended better by younger athletes.
“How can you call someone a girlfriend that you haven’t met or maybe met [only] a couple times?” Edwards said. “I just don’t understand that. I think it is generational.”