Dear Carolyn:

I do not get along with my sister-in-law. She is nosy, rude and catty, and it is very difficult for me to be around her for more than a few minutes. However, it is important to my husband and me that we spend time with his brother and our nieces and nephews, and so we continue to be friendly and take whatever she dishes out (asking how much things cost, opening drawers in our home, eating our food without asking, asking personal questions about our relationship, gossiping about other family members, talking nonstop about herself, etc.).

With the holidays coming up, can you give me any advice for dealing with her without letting her get to me? I consider myself a friendly and patient person, but sometimes I just want to scream or leave the room when she’s around. Please don’t use my name since she may read this column.

— Anonymous

Dear Carolyn:

I guess I could be considered a neat freak about personal hygiene: I brush two minutes three times a day, floss daily, shower often twice daily.

Dear Carolyn:

Some friends of mine had been talking up this guy they thought would be perfect for me, so I finally went on a blind date with him. It turns out he’s black, and while I am NOT racist and have no problem with interracial dating in general, it’s not for me. I just prefer to date white guys.

Dear Carolyn:

Five years ago, I lost my job, and had to move out of my house and into my boyfriend’s “temporarily.” I never managed to replace my salary, but I did rent my house for a couple of hundred dollars less than the mortgage.

Dear Carolyn:

Last year my husband of 33 years and I were on the verge of divorce. He informed his family we were divorcing. The two sisters called me to say goodbye and have a nice life, but there was no other communication with anyone else. After a year of separation we decided to get back together. My problem is that I cannot get over the fact that the whole family, who were my family for more than 30 years, just dropped me from their lives as if I were dead.

Dear Carolyn:

My wife and my sister-in-law have a strained relationship. The issues between them escalated when, a year and a half ago, my brother admitted to an affair. My wife had a phone conversation with my brother in which she voiced her displeasure with his actions and really “let him have it.” My sister-in-law took offense to the conversation and wrote a long and nasty e-mail to my wife essentially attacking her character, telling her to “grow up” and saying she has no right in “judging” my brother.

Hi Carolyn:

My husband and I have been married for 35 years and get along well. He is very affectionate and complimentary to me, but practically goes into a trance if he sees an attractive woman — even stopping in mid-conversation.

I’ve told him it bothers me, but he  continues.

I can’t tell if he’s doing it more or I have just begun to notice. How should I handle this?

— Bugged in Mich.

Hello, Carolyn:

I’ve been with “John” for two years. For the most part, our relationship is everything I wanted. Every now and then, though, I pick up on things that really irritate me.

Hi Carolyn:

My brother’s daughter is getting married. He called me last night to “get my thoughts” on whether my stepdaughters should be invited to the wedding, because he “didn’t want them to feel obligated.” I was stunned and my husband was incredulous.

Dear Carolyn:

What to do when you recognize controlling traits in yourself? I’m certainly not mean, I don’t yell and I don’t make loaded “jokes,” but I tend to drop many, many hints about healthy eating and going to the gym and laying off the TV whenever my S.O. doesn’t do these things, because his family is all overweight, they have serious health problems, etc. I get worried that my S.O. will become like that too ... so I get totally irritating and out of line. How to stop?

Dear Carolyn:

My boyfriend once accused me of being passive-aggressive and now I’m paranoid.

Dear Carolyn:

My daughter is getting married next summer. Her father had an affair and then left me when she was 3. He is still married to the woman he had the affair with. I also remarried when my daughter was 5. My husband and daughter get along great. She also has had a continuous relationship with her father, enthusiastically encouraged by me.

Dear Carolyn:

A good friend of mine has been through very tough times (her boyfriend cheated on her while she was pregnant with his child) but in the last year has been doing well with a new man. She lives in his house, he helps pay bills and is a great father figure to her 2-year-old son.

Dear Carolyn:

First, I got sober when I was 21 and have been sober more than 17 years. Active in AA, still go to meetings, etc.

Hi, Carolyn:

My husband and I agree we want children, but he’s balking, even though we’ve been married 10 years. He patently refuses to acknowledge that at our age (36), waiting any longer could mean the difference between doing it naturally or not at all. I had my doctor speak to him about fertility rates and age, but he insists on holding onto this “we still have time” mind-set.

Dear Carolyn:
How do you make a decision about faith in a mixed-religion couple?

Dear Carolyn:

One relationship, two distinct ways of dealing with conflict.

Dear Carolyn:

My 28-year-old son and his 21-year-old fiancée just found out they are expecting a baby at the end of the year. They were planning a wedding next September.

Dear Carolyn:

I have been working in a career field for the past four years, since I graduated from college. For the past two years, I have been unhappy. My job requires frequent travel to dangerous places, intense hardship and long hours, at times. I have been looking to make a change but haven’t had the chutzpah to make it happen.

Dear Carolyn:

I'm taking the year off to be at home with our new baby. My days are busy, but I'm pretty good about tidying up toward the end of the day so my husband comes home to a clean house. I'm not used to this level of domesticity, so sometimes things get pretty crazy around noon - clothes everywhere, kitchen dirty, etc.

Dear Carolyn:

My ex and I loved each other very much. Unfortunately, I had to move to Chicago (from St. Louis) and I thought it would be best to go our separate ways. After being on-and-off for a few months, she told me, out of the blue, that I couldn't be in her life anymore. I think she was hurt when I initially decided to move away; also, she is moving even farther away, to California, in six months. I know she still loves me.

Carolyn:

My good friend's husband cheated on her, repeatedly, sometimes in their home while she was away. Obviously, this devastated her, and for the past few months I've tried to listen and support her as she sorts things out. My problem is, I now have a burning hatred for this guy.

I have a chance to take a 10-day trip to China. My wife of two years doesn't fly. All of our trips have been driving or rail.

My husband, while out of town, slept with someone, and upon returning started writing very graphic e-mails to the other woman.

I am conflicted about my best friend's upcoming marriage. She and the boyfriend got off to a rocky start, and, as her best friend, I heard all the gory details. However, they continued dating, and after less than nine months, he proposed. They are happy, and he seems nice enough. The problem is that I cannot forget, no matter how hard I try, about the negative picture she painted for the first six months. It is coming between us, but I can't seem to keep the snarky comments to myself (not to her, but to mutual friends). I want to celebrate with and for my friend, but I can't unless I let these issues go. Any advice?

- Letting Go Is Hard to Do

Dear Carolyn:

My parents hate my boyfriend because they think I am pushing everything or everyone else away so I can be with him. They also think he is the No. 1 thing in my life and that my life revolves around him. I love him so much, I just don't know how to tell my parents, who I care about so much, that it is not what they figure - that they just shield me too much, and never like what I do for myself.

- K.S.

Carolyn:
My husband and I are overweight. We both consider our weight issues genetic, and neither of us is especially serious about losing weight.

We're trying to get pregnant, and my sister and two friends have all suggested to me that it would be "irresponsible" or maybe even "cruel" to produce a child probably doomed to be fat.

Dear Carolyn:As my wedding approaches, I'm worried about the future relationship between my wife and her in-laws. She's wonderful...

Dear Carolyn:I dated a guy for 3 1/2 years in college. It ended painfully about two years ago but somehow we have come out of the ordeal very c...

Dear Carolyn,

I am a college student who lives in an apartment with two other girls.

We all ge...

Carolyn:

Dear Carolyn:

I realize every relationship is different. Regardless, consider a typical marriage (I know this doesn’t exist!) of a couple who married young. Five years later, he walks in on her cheating. He walks out. End of relationship, period. Does this reflect his strength and ability to leave, his power to not be controlled by fear of loneliness? Or does this represent his inability to forgive his wife, the one he loves and took vows with? (Yes, I realize SHE took vows as well.)

— Purely Hypothetical, Md.

Hi Carolyn:

I had a pair of glasses that I loved, but lost about a year ago. They cost an arm and a leg and I felt really pretty in them. Well, a couple of months ago, I heard a friend telling a story about her new glasses.

Hi Carolyn:

One of my friends is currently in the midst of a long funk. This is no slight period of the blues, this is full-on depression that she tells her friends about on a regular basis. She now is rejecting our invitations, ignoring our calls, wallowing at home every night, and has an excuse for every suggestion we have when she vents to us.

Hi Carolyn:

I recently became very interested in a woman. The problem: I find myself becoming threatened and jealous when she — well, when she seems to be making good friends with other attractive guys. I don’t like this about myself, and know it is not a healthy reaction.

Dear Carolyn:

I’ve got what I think is a very common problem with an uncommon twist: I’m in love with a woman who is in a long-term relationship with someone else. She also seems to be very much in love with me and not with her partner.

Dear Carolyn:

Any thoughts on dealing with parents who give well-intended but unsolicited advice about the “direction your life is taking?” I’m a grown-up, and am pretty comfortable with where I’m headed, though I don’t entirely know where that will be.

Dear Carolyn:

I dated a woman for three years. Recently, I sat her down to talk about our lack of intimacy and her desire (or lack thereof) to keep our relationship going.

Hi Carolyn:

My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year. We’ve had some hard times, but been able to get through them; we have great communication and always work things out.

Carolyn:

I’m a 32-year-old, single guy, and I recently moved to a new city for a change of pace and took a job that I now find is largely unfulfilling and boring.

Dear Carolyn:

My boyfriend and I are talking about marriage, but probably won’t get engaged for a few months. I feel weird telling him what kind of ring I’d prefer because he really hasn’t asked. How do I do that discreetly?

Dear Carolyn,

My girlfriend was invited to a wedding of a friend, but I wasn’t. We are both friends with the couple, although I am a new addition to the mix (eight months).

Carolyn,

Just graduated school and moved back home to D.C. Girlfriend of two years just graduated and moved back home to New York. We both just started working and keep pretty long hours. We are in love and when together everything is perfect.

Dear Carolyn:

Whom should weddings be for? As a bride-to-be who is not religious and dislikes pomp and circumstance, I don’t really want a traditional wedding — a quick justice-of-the-peace ceremony and a nice dinner with family and friends would be sufficient. No white dress, no church, no gi-normous debt.

Dear Carolyn:

I’m not sure how to set effective boundaries with my in-laws. My husband and I are newlyweds. When last we visited them, they showed a family digital slide show.

Dear Carolyn:

At 32, I obviously have a bit of history. At 30, my fiancée has some as well. Fine. Dandy.  But how many times can I ask her to leave the past in the past before my frustration makes me want to try to eat my own face? 

Dear Carolyn:Mate and I have been together four years. Work’s been rough on him lately. This morning I started one of our little affection ritu...